I have thoroughly covered both the psychology of comps and the way casinos figure the value of your play in my book Guerrilla Gambling: How to Beat the Casinos at Their Own Games! I have also discussed how to get more comps than your play actually warrants in that book. Suffice it to say that you should never play just to get comps. However, you should always take whatever comps your play warrants. For many astute gamblers, the combination of comps and play will equal long-term success. Always put your comp card in the machine when you play or give it into the change person to record your buy-in.

To give you some idea of the streaky nature of video poker and also how comps can help offset otherwise losing trips, the following is a day-by-day Las Vegas diary of mine that shows 28 straight days of playing Jacks-or-Better 9/6 video poker with 4,700 coins for the royal flush. Every morning I played the same good video-poker machine for $500 (five quarters per hand = 400 hands per day = 11,200 hands = $14,000 through the machine during the 28 day period ). When I was finished playing on a given day I would ask for a comp for breakfast. The amount of the comp shown on this chart is what I actually spent as opposed to what I theoretically could have spent. Since I don't make a pig of myself, I only ordered what I would have ordered had I paid for the meal myself.

Victory at Video Poker
Day Won Lost Comp Amount Total
1 $34 $14 - $20.00
2 $17.50 $21 + $38.50
3 $27.50 $18 + $45.50
4 $10 $16.82 + $6.82
5 $10 $14.86 + 4.86
6 $26 $8.45 - $17.55
7 $12 $18.45 + $30.45
8 $73 $8.45 - $64.55
9 $72.50 $14.86 - $57.64
10 $84 $14.75 + $98.75
11 $109 $8.45 - $100.55
12 $74.25 $18 - $56.25
13 $33 $8.45 + $41.45
14 $58.50 $21.35 + $79.85
15 $5 $8.45 + $13.45
16 $33 $18.45 + $51.45
17 $91.50 $8.45 - $83.05
18 $200 $18 - $182
19 $20 $18 - $2.00
20 $68 $8.45 - $59.55
21 $20 $21 + $41.00
22 $34 $8.45 - $25.55
23 $134 $14.25 + $148.25
24 $35 $8.45 + $33.45
25 $62 $14.86 + $76.86
26 $34.50 $8.45 - $26.05
27 $17.25 $21 + $38.25
28 $62.50 $8.45 - $54.05
Totals $538.75 $919.25 $390.60 + $10.10

Although I had no truly awesome days during this 28-day playing cycle (I never received a straight flush, for example, and never got close to a royal flush), the combination of comps and play netted me $10.10. Now, at first glance this $10.10 win might seem nothing to gloat about.. .but think again. A win is a win, after all. Had I not played video poker in this particular casino every morning, I would have had to pay $390.60 for my breakfasts over this period of time. Instead, the casino gave me $10.10 to eat for 28 days in their restaurant. Looked at that way—I received some bargain.

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In regular poker when you're going head to head with a human opponent, it is not difficult to understand how easy it is for a player to be "psyched out." The other player's supposedly superior skill, his panache, his past playing decisions can all lead an opponent to Ihe edge of the abyss—thus becoming "psyched out." "Psyched out" can be defined by a whole host of phrases and cliches (all of them right on the button). Being "psyched out" is the losing of one's rhythm, confidence, judgment, or optimism in the face of a seemingly superior opponent. It's been alternately called "freezing" in sports contests and "going on tilt" in gambling games. For college students (or any students), being "psyched out" means being "out of it" on a test. ("Damn, Professor, I knew the answers, I just couldn't remember them. I was out of it.") To some degree, all of us have probably experienced the phenomena of being "psyched out" at one time or another in our lives. Some of us have also experienced, and perhaps enjoyed, the phenomenon of psyching someone else out. When-you're psyched out, you are the deer in the headlights of a car—frozen and doomed. When you're doing the psyching, however, you are an eighteen-wheeler barrelling down on Bambi.

Can one be psyched out by a machine? Definitely yes. I'd call this situation self-psyching out, because the player would do it to himself. Since I love inventing psychobabble, let's call this the Self-Psyching-Out Syndrome! (Or SOS—we'll drop the "P.")

How would the SOS manifest itself? I believe that if a player is psyched out it will usually show in how he manages his money and the types of bets he makes. However, a player could play perfectly and still be psyched out. There comes a time in every losing session where you have to say to yourself: "Am I done for the day? Have I lost all I can afford or want to lose for this session?" No matter how often an individual gambles, it feels bad to lose. But a person who is psyched out almost wants to lose—that's the strange thing. It's almost as if at a certain point the object of the player's desire is no longer beating the casino but beating himself. Suddenly the player takes a perverse joy in inflicting more punishment upon himself, like the boxer who punches himself in the face because his opponent just got through his guard and punched him in his face. It's a double dose of indignity.

And video poker can certainly set up the necessary conditions for a player to be psyched out. Most video-poker games have long losing streaks and most sessions will be losers. That fact should not make you believe that you are doomed to lose—that you deserve to lose; that somehow or other you have been a bad little boy or girl and must be punished for it. Yet I've seen people behave this way. Remember that you are playing the best video-poker games because you want to win money. Why else would you have bought this book? The fact that you intellectually know that more often than not you will lose should not predispose you to taking those losses lightly or, conversely, to heart. Never get to the point where you say to yourself: "Screw it! I'll keep playing until I lose all the money I brought." Get into that frame of mind and you could lose your entire stake in one unlucky session. On some nights Lady Luck is no lady but a cheap whore who will give her favors to the house. Walk away from her.

I have mentioned it on numerous occasions in this book but it bears repeating once more: video poker is volatile. You will have explosive winning sessions and many grinding losing sessions. So you must play a contained game and stay on top of yourself. Although your opponent is only a machine, it is a machine that is incapable of psyching itself out or of being psyched out. The dealer-in-the-machine will deal, collect, and deal some more—deal, collect, and deal some more—until the edge of doom. Just don't let that doom be yours.

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here are two simple and fun strategies you can employ for the low-paying machines I've alerted you to in the preceding chapters, those in the under 94.9% category—strategies that are wonderful to play if you are sadistically inclined and lacking in any human decency, that is. Also if you are not afraid to be killed or maimed.

Take a bucket of coins and go to a machine in an area with very little traffic. Make sure no one is playing any machines near you. Now, take heaping handfuls of coin and dump them into the tray— dump them as hard and loud as you can. With each dump, let out a scream: "Hooray! Another winner!" When people come over—as they inevitably will, jump up and down and shout: "I know these machines are supposed to stink but, hell, I've been winning a fortune on them! Yahoo!" Now, scoop up all the coins and put them back into your bucket stating for all to hear: "God, looks like this machine could hit forever!" For those of you who are really devious and have not the slightest drop of the milk of human kindness in your heart, turn to the assembled crowd and offer to sell the machine to them. "Hey, for twenty bucks, I'll let you have the machine because I gotta go. Anyone interested?" You might even be able to start a bidding war.

For Joker Poker you can follow a specific strategy. Since you are dealing with machines that have a joker, you will become a human joker. In this way you can maximize your chance of actually turning a rather large negative expectation into a decidedly positive one—or die trying.

Here's what you do.
Go to the area of the casino where the lowest-paying joker-poker machines can be found (in some states, notably New Jersey and Louisiana, this will be the entire casino because all the joker-poker varieties are low paying). Then start telling really stupid jokes. You might want to purchase a book or two of stupid jokes and just read them at the top of your lungs. Laugh heartily at every awful joke you make. Or, get some really funny jokes and butcher them. Tell them so badly that people can't follow the punchline even if they are trying to follow the joke. You might even want to dress up like a court jester to really solidify the effect.

Now, three things will probably happen to you after a short while of this behavior: the security guards will escort you out of the casino, or several patrons will pay you to leave the area, or an enraged patron will kill you. If the second in the foregoing sequence happens, you will have made money. If the third happens, your heirs will have made money (if you have insurance). If the first happens, consider it a push.

[My wife and gaming partner, the beautiful A.P., informs me that many readers don't want to read my adolescent humor concerning what to do with low-paying machines. What she doesn't realize is that having researched, analyzed, and written the strategies for the good versions of the machines contained in the first six chapters of this book, I'm drunk on statistics and computer programs and I have a sneaky feeling that my computer monitor is sending me signals from aliens in space. These signals said: "Take a break, take a break, before plunging on." So who should I listen to? My wife? Or superior beings from the planet V.D.O. who are speaking to me through my monitor?]
The respite is over. We plunge onward.

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Machines You Should Play 98% to 102% Paybacks
Kings or Better: 20-7-5-3 Joker Poker with 5,000 coins for Natural Royal Flush 101.1% Payback
Natural Royal Flush……………. 1,000*
Five of a Kind………………….200
Joker Royal Flush ……………….100
Straight Flush…………………..50
Four of a Kind ………………….20
Full House ……………………..7
Flush …………………………5
Straight ……………………….3
Three of a Kind ………………….2
Two Pairs………………………1
Kings or Better…………………..1

Kings or Better: 20-7-5-3 Joker Poker with 4,700 coins for Natural Royal Flush 101% Payback
Natural Royal Flush …………….. 940*
Five of a Kind………………….200
joker Royal Flush ……………….100
Straight Flush…………………..50
Four of a Kind ………………….20
Full House ……………………..7
Flush …………………………5
Straight ……………………….3
Three of a Kind ………………….2
Two Pairs………………………1
Kings or Better…………………..1

Kings or Better: 20-7-5-3 Joker Poker with 4,000 coins for Natural Royal Flush 100.6%
Payback
Natural Royal Flush …………….. 800*
Five of a Kind………………….200
Joker Royal Flush ……………….100
Straight Flush…………………..50
Four of a Kind ………………….20
Full House ……………………..7
Flush …………………………5
Straight ……………………….3
Three of a Kind ………………….2
Two Pairs………………………1
Kings or Better…………………..1
(*Progressives must be at the following minimum levels for 100%+ paybacks: Nickels—$144; Quarters—$715; Dollars—

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Joker Poker or Joker Wild Poker is the most popular form of video-poker game currently extant and its popularity is still growing. That's because the player has so many more options and alternatives with the addition of the wild-card joker. Couple that with the fact that expert play on some machines can yield upwards of 102% and you can see why this game continues to gain in popularity. That's the good news.

The bad news is that Joker Poker is a highly volatile game—with drastic and long losing streaks punctuated by sudden, explosive wins. Bradley Davis in his excellent source book, Mastering Joker Wild Video Poker (Applied Technology Press, 1990), gives the players attempting this version of video-poker short-term expectation figures—to enlighten them as to just what the average experience is on these volatile machines. Davis' figures are nothing if not startling.

According to Davis, the best short-run expectation is on the 20-8-7-6 Two-Pairs-or-Better Joker-Poker machines with the Natural Royal Flush paying 5,000 coins. You will win 45% of the time and lose 55% of the time. These machines will pay back, in the long run, up to that 102% figure. The worst machines in terms of their short-term paybacks are the 6-4-3-3 Jacks-or-Better Joker-Poker machines with their 12% win and 88% loss rate and the 15-6-4-3 Two-Pairs-or-Better Joker-Poker machines with their 16% win and 84% loss rate. In the long run these machines are no bargains either with their respective 92% and 90.5% total paybacks.

It bears repeating…in fact, it bears becoming a litany of sorts for the video-poker player: only play the best versions of the Joker Poker machines. Even on these you will, more often than not, go home a loser but in the long run you have an excellent chance to come out ahead. When the explosive winning sessions occur (and believe me, they do), you want to be within shooting distance of those long-run wins. You can do this by keeping your losses to a minimum by playing the best strategies on the best machines. And like all video poker, the actual name of the machine is not as important as the payout scale.

For convenience's sake I have listed part of the payout scale in the title of the machine—giving you the figures for the Four of a Kind, Full House, Flush and Straight.
The approaches to Joker Poker (and any wild-card game) are somewhat more complex because you must divide your strategies into two categories. Category "A" will be initial hands that do not contain a joker. Category "B" will be initial hands that do contain a joker. One hard and fast law holds for Joker Poker and that is—never discard a joker!

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Don't Play These Machines 94.9% or Lower Returns
Louisiana Jacks Draw Poker with 2,500 coins for the Royal Flush 94% Payback

Royal Flush……………………500
Straight Flush…………………..75
Four of a Kind ………………….35
Full House ……………………..9
Flush …………………………6
Straight ……………………….4
Three of a Kind ………………….2
Two Pairs………………………2
Jacks or Better …………………..1

Louisiana Bonus Jacks or Better Draw Poker with 2,500 coins for the Royal Flush 92.6% Payback
Royal Flush……………………500
Straight Flush…………………..75
Four Aces……………………..80
Four K's, Q's, J's …………………40
Four 2's-l 0's……………………25
Full House ……………………..8
Flush …………………………6
Straight ……………………….4
Three of a Kind ………………….2
Two Pairs………………………2
Jacks or Better …………………..1

Player's Choice Jacks or Better Draw Poker with 2,500 coins
for Royal Flush
94% Payback
Royal Flush……………………500
Straight Flush………………….100
Four of a Kind ………………….25
Full House …………………….10
Flush …………………………8
Straight ……………………….6
Three of a Kind ………………….3
Two Pairs………………………1
Jacks or Better …………………..1

Player's Choice Jacks or Better Draw Poker with 2,500 coins for Royal Flush—Version II 94.6% Payback
Royal Flush……………………500
Straight Flush………………….100
Four of a Kind ………………….35
Full House …………………….10
Flush …………………………7
Straight ……………………….6
Three of a Kind ………………….3
Two Pairs………………………1
Jacks or Better ………………………1

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Bonus Deuces Four of a Kind Jacks or Better Draw Poker with 4,000 coins for Royal Flush 96.8% Payback

Royal Flush……………………800
Straight Flush…………………..50
Four Deuces……………………80
Four 3's, 4's, 5's …………………40
Four of a Kind ………………….25
Full House ……………………..6
Flush …………………………5
Straight ……………………….4
Three of a Kind ………………….3
Two Pairs………………………2
Jacks or Better …………………..1

Strategy for Bonus Deuces
1. All pat hands.. .stand
2. Four cards to a royal flush…draw one card (break anything else including a flush or a straight)
3. Three of a kind…draw two cards
4. Four cards to a straight flush—inside or outside draw .. .draw one card (break anything else except hands above)
5. Two pairs.. .draw one card
6. Three cards to a royal flush.. .draw two cards (break anything else except hands above)
7. Jacks or better…draw three cards (break anything else except hands above)
8. Four cards to a flush.. .draw one card (break anything else except hands above)
9. Pair of deuces…draw three cards (break anything else except hands above)
10. Four cards to a straight with two or three high cards— outside draw…draw one card (break anything else except hands above)
11. Low pair…draw three cards (break anything else except hands above)
12. Four cards to a straight with fewer than two high cards— outside draw…draw one card (break anything else except hands above)
13. Three cards to a straight flush…draw two cards (break anything else except hands above)
14. Four cards to a straight with ace high—inside draw.. .draw one card (break anything else except hands above)
15. Two cards to a royal flush.. .draw three cards (break anything else except hands above)
16. Four cards to a straight with three high cards—inside draw.. .draw one card (break anything else except hands above)
17. One, two or three high cards…draw four, three or two cards (break anything else except hands above)
18. Three cards to a straight flush—inside draws.. .draw two cards (break anything else except hands above)
19. All other hands.. .discard and draw five cards

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